Zebra Bootyliciousness

bootylicious image via

How do you even spell bootylicious?  Bootyliciousness?  

Why is there a large picture of a booty on this blog post you ask?  Because these are the exact jeans that a couple of 16 year old girls were trying to steal from the mall.  Can you believe these hideously-jewel-encrusted-zebra-patterned jeans are about $150? And they're all over the place!  I'm obviously missing something, but all this is beside the point.  The good part of the story is the way Gumshoe decided to handle this situation.

His approach made me realize that we are officially old.

It's that time of year again...remember this post?  It's that special season where Gumshoe has to take undercover shifts at the mall.  BLECH!
LG and I already made the treacherous pilgrimage to visit Gumshoe at the food court and I should have known.  I was asking for it, really, when I decided to approach the pretzel counter and request an order of pretzel bites.  $10 later...REALLY!?!?...I came back to the table and looked Gumshoe in the eyes and literally asked him: "How do you walk away from your mall shifts not questioning humanity?"   Dramatic?  Maybe...but the pretzel counter always brings out the worst in me.  Ironically, I've never asked him that question after he's worked a homicide...only after his shifts at the mall. 

Okay, back to the jeans...
The budding career criminals were escorted to the police office located within the mall and their stolen goods were laid out on the table in front of them.  This was actually their first offense and they were already very remorseful and a little scared at this point.  Gumshoe walked into the room and was a bit confused as he looked at the jeans.

Gusmhoe:  "Are these the jeans you were attempting to shoplift?"
Girls:  "Mmmhmm"
Gumshoe:  "These are completely hideous.  Why would you want to steal these?  Why would you want to look like a zebra?"

Upon hearing this, the girl who instigated the shoplifting began to tear up.  Her friend, who didn't really want the jeans in the first place just laughed at Gumshoe's question.

Gumshoe (as serious as a heart attack):  "Okay, here's what I'm going to do.  We're going to go a less conventional route for your consequence and I'm going to survey all of your friends.  I'm going to ask them one question...what are the dorkiest style of jeans in existence?  Whatever type of jeans they agree on, you will have to wear to school everyday until you graduate.  And maybe even your first year of college...we'll see."

Their faces indicated that this would clearly be the worst possible fate.

One of the girls piped up: "Can you take us to jail instead?"  :) 

High school lame-ness...a fate worse than jail!