My Loves

My two loves...

Snapped this picture as Sam was saying goodbye to his daddy before an overnight shift.

Can I just proclaim how much I love this man?  He's about to work his tail off over the next few days so that we can bring in some extra dough.  He's going to sacrifice his sleep, time and energy to provide for us.  And all without complaint.  Because he loves us.  And we love him!

I am so blessed by these two.

Big Boy Room!

Well...this post is a little overdue since we made this transition a couple weeks ago, but our little Samurai is in a big boy room and he is lovin' it!  Can you tell?

We decided to switch rooms on him so that we didn't have to move the baby furniture the baby will be just a little closer to our room.

Of course, "switching rooms" isn't as easy as it sounds.  The room we switched Sam to was the room we used as an extra bedroom and an office.  Plus, the closet was just crammed with stuff...
Home office stuff
Towels, sheets, blankets and pillows (ahem...we have no linen closet)
Andy's police uniform and gear
Oh...and winter coats (ahem...no coat closet either)

We have affectionately dubbed our home the "Rubik's Cube From Hell" because every time we make moves like this, a million other things need to be rearranged to make it as functional as possible.  And can I just stress that it's not a "stuff" problem.  I am the queen of purging unnecessary "stuff" and I loathe clutter.  We just have no space!!  Now that that's off of my chest...

Enter my supreme organizational skills (I secretly love a challenge like this) and a nice supply of Space Bags and we got to it!  Here's the finished product:

We swapped our extra queen bed with a twin-size trundle bed that Andy's parents had.  We're using the bottom part of the trundle bed as Sam's toddler bed and it's PERFECT!  It's low to the ground so he can climb in and out and won't fall, and the mattress is encased in a wooden frame so he can't roll out.  We just put foam edging around the wood and it's the perfect toddler bed.  Great for sleepovers when he gets older, too.  The regular twin bed part of this trundle will go in baby girl's room for a little while, then we'll stick it in Sam's room when he's ready to be up high. 

Of course...this car fanatic requested a car theme, so we happily obliged.  Target had some pretty cute vintage car bedding, along with a little painting and a new lamp which he ADORES.

it's not hung crooked...I'm just an awesome picture taker

I didn't want to get all new artwork/decor for his room, so we put up a lot of the stuff he already had even though it doesn't really go with the car theme.  The colors go, though.

These lion/tiger/bear pictures are my absolute favorite.  Andy and I made them for Sam before he was born and they hung above his crib.   We just painted some canvas and made the animals out of foam, then glued them on.  So cute!  I'm going to make him put them up in his college dorm room because I love them so much.  Control Freak!

And here we have the over-used "name above the bed" decor.  I actually can't stand this decor idea, but we made them for Sam's nursery as an accent for a bookshelf.  They've been sitting in his closet forever and I wanted to use them somewhere to fill up wall space.  Plus...I'm as cheap as you can get and didn't want to purchase anything else to decorate with.  Meh.  At least they perfectly coordinate with the lion/tiger/bear.  I'll probably be switching it out soon. 

And for more color-coordination...look no further than clothing hooks!  Another item that was in Sam's baby room and we decided to "hide" them behind the door and put them at Sam's level so he can hang clothes on them.

Another piece of homespun decor...this was in the basement playroom, but we switched it with some super-cute alphabet artwork from Sam's baby room and brought it up here.  Now the playroom is a little more gender neutral for baby girl and Sam has a daily reminder of what his favorite things are...even though he has never expressed an interest in spaceships, robots, aliens, or trains.  Whatev.  I needed more "boy" things to stick on the canvas and these fit the bill.

Throw in a cute little leather chair for reading and his mini table/chairs for playing and you have one happy boy!  This little reading nook was Andy's idea and every time we look at it we think of that quote from Anchor Man..."I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany".  We seriously laughed for like 10 minutes at this setup just picturing Sam in a little smoking jacket reading Curious George with a rocks glass of a vintage apple juice and a pipe that blows bubbles or something.

Reading in bed and reading to his animals...in his favorite self-inflicted camo/stripe jammy combo...love!

And what room in our house would be complete without at least 3 crocks?  I'm telling you...they're great for blanket and stuffed animal storage.  Put one over by the bookshelf so he can keep track of his library books and I fall more in love with crocks every time!

At least until he tries to get out of his bed and bonks his head on one.  Live and learn, kid.  Stop getting out of bed :)  See?  Storage AND punishment all rolled into some convenient antique stoneware!

Now all we have to do is put baby girl's room together...


Ugh!  Can't I just snap my fingers and it will be done??  I'm too pregnant for this.  In fact, it was best put by my sister the other day when she came over to babysit and saw me for the first time in a few weeks.  She said "Wow!  You look sooo pregnant."  Yes.  Yes I do. 

That Feeling...

 

It doesn't happen that often.  In fact, I'd venture to say it rarely happens at all.
Maybe that's why it worries me so much more when it does happen.

That feeling...

That feeling that other cop, firefighter, military and first responder spouses feel from time to time.

That feeling that something bad is going to happen to Andy today.

The first time I felt that feeling was the very first night he worked patrol.  I was at home.  He was working his first shift and it was an overnight.  I laid awake for a long time, praying for his safety every time I would hear sirens.  My prayers were answered that night and every day since when he walks through our front door safely.

And frankly, that was one of the last times I worried.  I have a peace about what he does for a living which is good...if I didn't, it would be stressful for both of us.  I've seen his skill level and I know his mindset about how he approaches each call he goes on.  It's never a "routine" call in his mind.  If calls and situations become routine...that's how cops get lazy and that's how cops get hurt.  They have to approach each call with the idea in the back of their minds that it's a potential life-threatening situation and if it goes that way, how are they going to handle it? 

But sometimes, even with that knowledge about my husband, I can allow those calls to become "routine" to myself.  Oh...you were chasing down warrants all day?  Good.  You got to kick in a door?  I bet that was fun.  You had to point your AR 15 at someone today?  Cool.  You saw a dead body that had been rotting for a few weeks?  Gross.  What did it look like? Oh...you were the one that found that kid that committed suicide?  How did he do it?   

And just like that, the stories...his days...our emotions about what is going on becomes routine.  Not only is it a defense mechanism, but it's kind of sad, too.  That's why when these feelings strike me...I pay attention.  All of a sudden, the routine becomes...well...not.  And it scares me.  

This morning as Andy was leaving, I remembered he was going on a search warrant.

"Hey...aren't you doing something kind of dangerous today?"
"Umm, yeah...it could go that way."
"You're going to wear your vest, aren't you?"
"Yes.  Of course!"
"Okay.  Please be careful."

And then I recognized that sinking feeling.  I start to ask questions I normally wouldn't.  I feel that urge to give him one extra hug.  One extra kiss.  I linger at the door with Sammy to watch his truck drive away a lot longer than I normally would, allowing my mind to wonder if this would be the last time I see him.  I feel the need to call.  To text.  To tell him I have a bad feeling so please be extra careful.  And as I say the words, I feel the tears begin to slip from my eyes.  Ugh!  That feeling.

Then I try to brush it off.  I'm just pregnant and emotional.  I'm being irrational.  I'm being too dramatic.

But regardless of where the feelings are coming from...regardless of whether I am pregnant, emotional and dramatic...they are there.  And they are real.  And a few extra prayers today won't hurt.

And a blog post about it.  Because it's cathartic for me.  With an old picture from last winter.  Because who takes pictures for a blog post when they are worried?  Who writes blog posts when they are worried?  Maybe that feeling is going away...see?  It's cathartic!

Father's Day

Disclaimer:  Since I am super-lazy at life lately taking pictures...these pool pics are all from my FIL and have nothing to do with the rest of the post other than proof that we actually do exist and we did, in fact, go to the pool among other things this weekend.  Thanks, Mike! 

I love this guy... 

completely gratuitous picture of his biceps

And this guy loves this guy...

We spent some time having fun at the pool this weekend.  No pictures of mama (thank heavens) but I was there.  And everyone at the pool now knows that I am having a baby girl we will name Anna, and exactly where my nipples are located.  What was a sweet moment (Sam patting mommy's belly and declaring that baby sissy, Anna is in there) turned into a lesson in anatomy when he proceeded to grab my chest in front of the pool-goers and loudly exclaim "Here are mommy's nipples!"  Thank you, Sammy!

There were also some thoughtful gifts this weekend...a little framed interview from Sam describing how his favorite thing about his daddy is that he is "The Hulk", how he believes his daddy is "3 feet tall and I don't know inches", and when asked how much he thinks his daddy weighs...my dear child responded "Ummm, I don't know.  He is bigger than mama."

Bless you, child!  Even in my third trimester, you can recognize that daddy is still bigger than mommy.  That response was worth framing right there!  And you immediately redeemed yourself from the poolside nipple-gate!

And from me...an extremely stupid DVD of the complete first (and only) season of Testees ever produced.  Never heard of that show?  There's a reason.  It's actually really funny...but if juvenile humor is not your thing, then you can keep this one off your Netflix queue list.

We also had some friends over for a BBQ, which involved lots of smoked baby back ribs and brisket. 
And my child...in time out...a lot.  He's becoming quite the territorialist.  That's not even a word.  I made it up.  It's a mix between territorial and terrorist.  It's a fitting description.

And then...the sappy Father's Day cards made the rounds.  One for my dad involved the phrase "I wanted to give you something personal for Father's Day...so I farted in this card!"

Another for my FIL involved a bearded and hairy gentleman standing in front of Mount Rushmore donning hot pants that revealed more of his buttocks than you'd like to see.  

Heartfelt and meaningful.  That's what we're all about.

where does Sam get that expression?

And to top it all off, on our way home from dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's, my dear husband spotted 3 bucks in the field.  We, of course, circled around to get a better view.  I was on the phone with a friend at the time and Andy kept saying "Look at that rack... check out that rack.  I wish I had my rifle right now...that's a pretty big rack."

So...sorry friend if you kept hearing my husband talking about "racks" in the background and was wondering what was going on.  Really...he was talking about deer.

Quality time with the smoker...lots of meat...relaxing poolside...a meaningful gift of slightly raunchy, juvenile humor...and a buck sighting spurring on that excitement for deer season.  Could Father's Day get any better? 

Our hearts are bursting with love for you, Andy!  Happy Father's Day!