Ummm...I'm a Vampire

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As you can probably imagine...Gumshoe encounters many situations that run the gambit on the crazy spectrum.  Some are gross-crazy.  Some are scary-crazy.  Some are depressing-crazy.  Some are even second-guess-your-faith-in-the-human-race-crazy.  (Gumshoe doesn't share those with me).  But some...some are super-funny-crazy!  Those are great to hear about and sometimes they come with a perk...sometimes they end in one of Gumshoe's favorite places in our city: the cookie room at one of the hospitals.

"They've got the best cookies in the world, and they've even got miniature sodas to drink.  I had 4 cookies and 3 sodas."

That particular quote came from Gumshoe's very first trip to the cookie room a few years back while working a graveyard shift on patrol.  Gumshoe had been wrestling with a very non-compliant citizen who was having a problem with his level of customer service from the police department.  Unfortunately, he wasn't very happy with his life either and had cut himself a few times.  He was bleeding from his arm profusely and in the process of wrestling with Gumshoe had earned the name "pumper".   Long and gross story short, Gumshoe needed to go to the ER alongside Mr. Pumper and have a few tests run to make sure he didn't contract anything since the blood got into HIS MOUTH!  GROSS!!  Needless to say, Gumshoe did not get a kiss "hello" when he got home from work that morning.

Lucky for Gumshoe, he was perfectly healthy and to make a perfect night even more magical...he found the cookie room!  An amazing room set aside specifically for emergency responders complete with soft-baked M&M cookies and tiny cans of soda.  In retrospect, I think he would have endured the same experience if it meant he could stay just a few more minutes in the cookie room.

But I digress...

Upon serving a search warrant on a wonderful group of tweakers the other day, Gumshoe got the pleasure of interrogating some of the city's finest.  Just to be clear, all 3 of these successful contributors to society receive our tax dollars in the form of disability which they use not only to support their habit, but to grow their business of meth-cooking.  Don't you just love their entrepreneurial spirit?

After interviewing the gentlemen, Gumshoe moved on to the brains of the business...the girlfriend.  Now, girlfriend was slow to talk and didn't make much sense.  I'm sure that Gumshoe just assumed she was high, but what really helped to clear up the confusion was when she explained the reason for her slow-talk.

girlfriend: "I have a brain injury"

Gumshoe: "You have a brain injury?"

girlfriend: "That's right.  And I'm a vampire"

Gumshoe: "You're a vampire?"

girlfriend: "Umm. Yes.  I'm a vampire."

Gumshoe: "Why do you think you're a vampire?"

girlfriend: "My boyfriend told me that I am"

Gumshoe: "Why are you running around with this guy if he makes you think that you're a vampire?"

girlfriend: "Because I have a brain injury."

Well...that certainly explains things.  We've come full circle, now!