I'm Lame.

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Yes.  It was confirmed today that I am completely lame.  I went in to the Apple store this morning and its chic minimalism and advanced technology totally intimidated me.
I made LG hold my hand so that he didn't break anything...but I'm pretty sure I was actually holding his hand for moral support.
I walked in to get a gift card and I walked out wondering what had just happened.  I can't really explain it.  It just freaked me out.
First off, it was totally crowded, but in a really calm and tech-savvy way.  Like a robot-controlled chaos.  Amongst all this robotic chaotic control, however, I couldn't figure out where to go to pay for the gift card.  I looked around for cash registers at the end of the store, but there were none.  Only a "genius bar" that required an appointment.

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What is a genius bar?  I don't understand.  It was like a foreign tech land with a special language that I was not privy to.  And everyone in this land who was privy was happy.  Almost euphoric.  This is an actual conversation that I overheard:

Apple Store Employee: "How are you doing today?"
Customer: "I'm amazing!  Everything is amazing when you're buying a new Apple product!"

Seriously?!?

That was my cue to leave, so I turned my attention to the front of the store where there was a small sign that said "express".  OK.  I'll try that, but I'm a little apprehensive because...again...no cash registers.  And no actual line.  Just a lump of people milling about around a guy with a handheld device that swiped debit cards.

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As I moved up to the front of the lump "line" with my colorful "Apple Store" gift card in hand, I noticed the lady in front of me with a stylish silver gift card that came in a chic silver cardboard box.
Oooooh.  That's the one I wanted.
When I asked the guy with the handheld for the silver gift card instead of the one I had, he informed me:
"Now you do know that the silver ones are only for the Apple Store products and can only be used in-store.  The one you have is for apps and media online."
I was too intimidated by the mob of Apple devotees surrounding me to admit that I wasn't aware of that fact and to change my mind so I just said "I know" and continued with the silver gift card when what I wanted was the one I originally had.

How crazy is that?

He proceeded to swipe my card through the handheld device and then remarked that he'd e-mail me a receipt while looking on to the next person in the lump behind me.
My mind panicked...but how will you e-mail me?  I don't think you have my e-mail address.  And where is my paper receipt?  Where is my wasteful plastic bag to haul my gift card in?  Why are there 5 different gift cards that have different rules?  Where is your giant computer register?  Where is the large counter separating us for you to stand behind and for me to set my purse on?  All I see is air.  Where are all of the tangible things that tell me I have just purchased something from your store?????  AAAGGGHHHHH!!!

I decided it best to play it super-cool and avoid asking all of those questions. Instead, I just trusted that this mecca of technology would somehow get my receipt to me and I walked out bewildered.
I called Gumshoe and told him that I'm pretty sure I just purchased the wrong gift card and that I have no clue what happened and that I was too scared to go back.
He said, "That's why we use Android."
Then he said to just save the receipt and he would exchange it tomorrow.
BUT THERE IS NO RECEIPT!!!!!!  It's floating around in internet space somewhere!
Anyway...don't get me wrong, the employees were nice and the service was great and efficient.  It's just too efficient.  Eerily efficient.
I'm pretty sure everyone in that store was an alien. 

All that to say...Uncle Robert...you're probably getting the wrong gift card for Christmas.  And I'm convinced you are an alien.  
Just kidding!

By the way...when I got home, I had a new e-mail.  It was the receipt.  They're geniuses.